Posts Tagged ‘self care’

Training When You Have Toddlers at Home

Thursday, June 2nd, 2016

training with toddlersI just finished my first marathon. I can’t tell you how many moms asked me, how did you do it with kids at home?

Certainly, for anyone who has trained for a major event before having kids, it must seem impossible. I regularly trained for half marathons before and after having kids, and I can tell you it’s a very different experience. But it is possible.

First, it’s ideal to be done nursing before you attempt training like this. For one, your body must be completely recovered from childbirth. Two, training at an intense level will affect your milk supply. Three, you put yourself at risk for conditions like thrush, mastitis and fungal infections if you are not vigilant. If you can handle training while nursing, that’s great. Either way, talk to your health care provider first and make sure you are ready to take this on.

Once you have a goal in mind, like a race, find a training plan. You can’t come at this without one, no matter what your distance, from marathon to your first 5k. You’ll need something to stick to and something you can make a part of your routine. After you have a plan, you have to have great communication with your partner. If you’re getting up early to run, you might need your partner to jump in and get the kids up if that’s something you normally handle. Evening training might mean additional help needed at bedtime.

Having a running group was also crucial to me. I don’t get great sleep, so it’s really hard to commit to getting up early on the weekends to do long runs, especially since I know I won’t get to nap later. But having a running group was so motivational. Check out your local running club or a group like Moms Run this Town to find runners of your pace and distance. It was great to know I would get kid-free time with grown-ups every week with no mom guilt attached!

Screen Shot 2016-05-21 at 12.03.31 PMI love having a jogging stroller available to me, but I don’t always use it. Some days, the jogging stroller and a 7-mile run was my only escape from a grumpy toddler who wanted nothing but to whine all morning. Other times, leaving the house on my own and letting my husband do bedtime was a welcome escape. Change things up to help motivate you to get out and get your training in.

Don’t allow your goal to overwhelm you. Just like you can’t think about graduation day when you’re bringing a newborn home from the hospital, you have to take training one day or week at a time. Look at your schedule at the beginning of the week and figure out how it’s going to get done. Try to use a plan that gives you at least one or two days off so you can adjust your schedule as needed if something comes up. And if you don’t get all your training in, don’t beat yourself up. Let it go and move on to the next week.

The real benefit of training for an event when you have small children isn’t the event itself. The benefit is in caring for yourself and your health, giving yourself goals, nurturing interests that don’t have to do with children, and letting your family see you working toward a goal and accomplishing it. Your kids may be small, but they will understand it when they are older. Hopefully you can inspire them to accomplish more than they thought possible, too.

Erin Burt is a first-time marathoner, freelance writer, and mother of three girls. She lives and writes in Oklahoma City. 

Let’s Ditch the Mom Guilt

Wednesday, April 27th, 2016

ditching the mom guiltFirst of all, let me just tell you that I’ve always been a person who struggles with feeling guilty. As a teenager and young adult, I can remember agonizing over someone being upset with me or hurting someone’s feelings. I once went through a break-up that I knew was the right thing, but I still felt so guilty choosing happiness for myself. Since becoming a mom, this guilty feeling has only grown. I often call my best friend, Ali, and tell her I have “guilt gut.” This is a term we have coined for that feeling when you just feel guilty.

Here are some things I have felt guilty for today:

  • Not being the boss of my 3-year-old when she’s up for the day before dawn
  • Feeding my young toddler a pop tart- with frosting
  • Letting my kids eat salty snacks at 10 a.m.
  • Not fixing my hair better so I look more attractive for my husband
  • Going through the car wash with my kids even when I know someone is terrified

Sadly, I could go on. Anyone relate? When we become mothers, we are blessed with a new responsibility. We are in charge of young life. When our kids are young, we are literally the ones who keep them living. This is a big responsibility. Sadly, we don’t always measure up to our expectations. Why? I think it’s because we set the bar way too high.

So, moms, I want to encourage you today to ditch the mommy guilt. Let’s get rid of the “guilt gut” that plagues our days. Let’s spend our time being joyful, not pitiful.

I’ve decided I want to try to embrace mommy grace. Yes, I’m going to screw up. I’m going to yell. I will probably feed my kids pop tarts again this week, but I want to embrace grace. There is no reason to condemn ourselves for not measuring up. We are doing the best we can, and we are all in this together.

In order to ditch the mommy guilt, I am going to have to be proactive in embracing joy. When things go crazy, I am going to have to laugh. When snacks and milk fall to the ground, I want to spend the time teaching not scolding. Other mom friends are vital to ditching mommy guilt. I have five ladies who I love dearly who I know I could vent to any day about my mommy guilt. No shame. They’ve been there.  They are there to lift me up and encourage me. Do you have these amazing women in your life, too? If not, find them. Go to moms groups, foster friendships at preschool, church, work, wherever life takes you.

Let’s be real, though. There will always be the supermom persona. I know I will see a mom feeding her kids organic, beautifully dressed, and her kids may be way ahead of mine academically. And, that’s okay. My kids are okay. I’m okay. We are all doing the best we can. So let’s be the best, beautiful version of ourselves and not feel guilty about it.

Karyn Meyerhoff is a mom of two in Northeast Indiana where she lives, writes, and loves her kids.

The Benefits of Daycare

Friday, February 26th, 2016

The Benefits of DaycareAfter the birth of my first born, I had to go back to work at 8 weeks postpartum. It was my first experience with leaving my precious bundle and I was scared. Would he be okay without me? The first few months were tough, but we managed; eventually managing for two more years. Juggling a lot of responsibilities was tough, but looking back, there were many blessings that came with our daycare experience.

As mothers, we often have a gut reaction to leaving our children with anyone but family; Fear, guilt, stress.  I’ve learned, however, that whether you are a stay at home mom using the gym daycare, someone who uses a licensed provider daily, or even if you occasionally use it for mom or dads night out, leaving your child with another trusted adult can reap many benefits for both you and your child.

The first time you leave your child, it is just plain HARD

The first time I left my youngest at our gym daycare; I hemmed and hawed, despite the fact that I felt comfortable with the employees and the facility.  Baby R seemed so little. I had convinced myself He really loved being with just me. He wanted his blanket and his baba just so. And of course, I worried what if he got SICK?! I managed to do really well at talking myself out of it.

If you are planning to use daycare for the first time, do a dry run with no expectations. If you are returning to work, try to start mid-week so that it doesn’t seem so daunting. The first time will be difficult but you are most likely more concerned and upset than your children. The first time is hard but it gets so much easier.

Relying on other adults instills confidence in your child.

R started going for an hour to the gym kidstime when he was just 4 months. As the weeks went by, he became familiar with the ladies, he knew the environment, and he became more comfortable. He knew that there were other adults that would take great care of him besides me. As he grew, there were times when it stung a little that he wasn’t clinging to me but it simultaneously gave me so much pride. He did not rely on me for his happiness. He knew he was okay. He was confident.

That confidence has grown as he has grown. R now has no problems trying new activities without clinging to me. He feels confident enough to introduce himself to new people. I fully believe that this is because daycare taught him security even when I am not around.

Socialization is good for both mommy and kiddos.

As humans, we are social creatures. We need our group and our tribe even as little people. In a safe and structured daycare setting, young children have the opportunity to practice problem solving, communication, and develop empathy for others through play. They can learn about their world. They also develop cognitively from being around their peers. Daycare can be an enriching part of your child’s life. It can also be enriching for you. It is healthy to have the opportunity to socialize with co-workers, friends, and other adults.

Reconnecting with yourself makes you a better momma

Whether you are a working momma or just using the gym daycare like I was, reconnecting with other parts of yourself is important.  For me, using my gym daycare made me realize that it took just one hour a day of exercise for me to be a sweeter, kinder, more loving momma. It helped me focus and reconnect.

Whatever your motivation is, if you find yourself needing to use a daycare provider, know that if you have found one that is safe and loving, your child’s experience can be an positive one that has lasting effects.

Tessa Wesnitzer is a health and wellness coach who lives in a suburb of Salt Lake City, Utah. She loves her husband, two boys, green tea, long runs, and snowy winters.

 

What Makes a Velcro Baby?

Tuesday, February 9th, 2016

velcro babyAhhhh. The Velcro baby. You know the one. The baby that ALWAYS seems to be attached to you. They want to be constantly nursed. Or held. Or sit in your lap. Or hold your hand. Or follow you all around the house, and if you walk away for a nanosecond, it’s a crisis. That placenta cord may have been cut long ago, but this tiny human doesn’t seem to know it. You may start to think what is going on? Why is my little one so needy? So clingy? So difficult? What am I doing wrong?!? This attachment parenting stuff is supposed to be fostering independence…but*gulp* am I actually creating an “unhealthy” attachment?

I’m going be blunt here. Parenting a Velcro baby is exhausting. It can drain you both physically and emotionally. Their need for you feels deep and overwhelming. And your body can feel worn out from constantly supporting the weight of another person. Even when you are using kicka@@ ergonomically correct carrier, your body is impacted by carrying a tiny human around all day. Plus a Velcro baby can be frustrating. It can make a simple task take 18 times as long. Basically it feels consuming. It’s like the line between your own body and theirs is so blurred you start to forget what it even feels like to be yourself.

So what causes a Velcro baby? One huge and often overlooked/underestimated factor is merely human development. When a baby is going through a big developmental leap, this seems to increase their need for comfort. Change within can feel confusing, disorganizing, and out of control. So in order to cope, they cling to what is familiar and comfortable…and in many cases that is a parent/caregiver. Considering that development is vast and rapid during the first years of life, it’s as though they are continuously on the brink of a new developmental skill. Rolling. Sitting. Crawling. Walking. And that’s only the physical changes. They are learning and growing socially, cognitively, and emotionally too. Their little bodies and brains are working crazy hard to make all this happen!

Ahhh. Whew! So it’s not something you are doing “wrong” as a parent. It’s simply a natural part of human development. Little ones grow and they need us to help them navigate through that change. How that dynamic looks for each individual parent child is truly unique. But it can be helpful to know basic developmental milestones, sometimes referred to as “wonder weeks.” Knowledge is empowering. We feel better prepared to handle these changes and perhaps more relaxed about them. Additionally we are more accepting of the challenges and demands that accompany them. Furthermore knowing ourselves is helpful. How do we replenish and renew ourselves so we can optimally nurture our little ones?

Good self-care is essential when parenting a Velcro baby. And yes, I know the hardship there. We can barely meet basic needs like going to the bathroom or eating a nourishing meal when baby is clinging to us. But call in your reinforcements. Whatever they may be. The demands of a Velcro baby are legit and can quickly burn us out if we don’t also carve out the space to meet our own needs in the process.

From a Professional: How We Do Bedtime

Wednesday, January 6th, 2016

IMG_0655_2Establishing a bedtime routine is essential for the emotional and mental development of your child. As a mental health professional, my education and training have provided me with the essential tools and understanding of the benefits of this routine, and thus have spent the past five and a half years optimizing this precious time before my angelic children retire for the day.

Step 1: Dinner

As the final meal of the day, and as the only meal we eat with all family members present, this is a great opportunity to reflect on the attributes we cherish most about one another. In our household, this usually includes enthusiastic declarations of how much one child appreciates another child’s fork/plate/cup/seat, more so than their own, even, and will make such exuberant vocalizations throughout the entirety of the meal. The children will often be so enthralled with the time they are spending together as a family that the food will be left uneaten. When encouraged gently to eat, the children will take the opportunity to show the skills they have learned in self-advocacy, and independence, and declare the food before them as inedible. Such valiant leaders they will make someday!

Step 2: Bath time

This is necessary, as while no food was actually eaten, they have managed to utilize the items on their plate to decorate their clothing, the wall, and the floor. Upon preparation for bath time, you will be impressed to discover food items have made it through the shirt, the onesie, and into the diaper. You will feel such pride for your tiny magician!

Step 3: Anarchy

While you are cleaning the feces out of the tub that has hastened the conclusion of bath time, your naked darlings will make vocal declarations as their wet bodies sprint through the hallways, ignoring any and all admonitions that it is time for settling down. Optional consumption of wine is encouraged while the Scrubbing Bubbles soak into the skid marks on the side of the tub.

Step 4: Pajamas

These are optional, of course, as by the time the two year old has insisted repeatedly that he no longer requires a diaper, and the one year old continuously wrestles away before you can get the second tab on her diaper attached, you are likely to lose any and all will to actually parent. Second glass of wine is encouraged as children scream over who gets to wear the only remaining superhero pajama top, as the others always seem to disappear just in time for the evening routine.

Step 5: Negotiation

Upon announcing that it is time to officially retire to bed, your children will recall the lack of food in their bellies from abandoning their uneaten dinner, and will make dramatic declarations of their level of starvation. This is the ideal opportunity for their vocabulary development, as they will relish your colorful response and selectively remember just the words that are guaranteed to garner a phone call from the principal tomorrow. It is important to foster opportunities to invite communication with those responsible for our children’s education.

Step 6: Put the children in bed.

Step 7: Gentle Reminding

Remind the children that it is, in fact, bedtime. Consider ingesting more wine.

Step 7: Pleading

Plead with children to please, just tonight, go to bed without fighting. We do, in fact, go to bed every night, so we do understand how this works, don’t we?

Step 9: Weep

Step 10: Triage

Ignore the wrestling, crashing, and shrieking coming from the children’s bedroom to utilize mental health education and training to contact all of the therapists to undo the damage you are undoubtedly inflicting upon your children, and find one that can squeeze you in first thing in the morning.

Sleep tight!

Keighty Brigman is terrible at crafting, throwing birthday parties, and making sure there isn’t food on her face. Allegedly, her four children manage to love her anyway.