Posts Tagged ‘rant’

Holiday Family Bingo!

Thursday, December 15th, 2016

Happy Holidays! You’ve won the opportunity to spend another chunk of your precious vacation days with family members who make you want to pull your hair out. To help you survive the holidays without drinking yourself into liver failure, play this delightful game of BINGO instead. Because competition makes it fun, even if you’re only competing against the depression that sets in when you realize you cannot escape your family of origin.

Start by creating your 5×5 grid. Pick a FREE space. Then fill in the remaining spaces with the following in any order your please:

holiday family bingo

  • Your kid is fed something you said they couldn’t have.
  • Racist comment.
  • Political comment.
  • Sexist comment.
  • Homophobic comment.
  • Anti-Muslim rant.
  • Anti-Semitic comment.
  • “When I was your age…”
  • Unwanted comment on your appearance.
  • “The Gays.”
  • “All Lives Matter.”
  • Defending the merits of spanking.
  • “I never ____, and look how you turned out!”
  • Relative gets drunk.
  • Your kiddo breaks something.
  • Someone else’s kiddo breaks something.
  • Someone tries to give your kid alcohol.
  • White Elephant gets heated.
  • Someone complains about a gift they received.
  • Physical altercation.
  • Naked kid.
  • Someone wets the bed.
  • Smoke alarm goes off.
  • Dog humps something/someone.

A BINGO wins you a free pass to stress-eat, and a blackout wins you a mandatory phone call to your therapist to schedule an extra appointment when you return. Drink responsibly, and have fun playing the game that no one wins!

Keighty Brigman is terrible at crafting, throwing birthday parties, and making sure there isn’t food on her face. Allegedly, her four children manage to love her anyway.