Posts Tagged ‘questions’

Stupid Things People Say To Moms Of Toddlers

Wednesday, November 12th, 2014

Stupid Things People Say To Moms Of ToddlersOnce you have children, everyone you come into contact with suddenly has an opinion on how you should raise your child. I’ve collected some of the most annoying, stupid, rude, or judgmental statements here for your amusement. (If you are the perpetrator of such statements, please use this as a handy guide for what not to say in the future.)

“Is she potty trained yet?” This question seems harmless at first, but it started a couple months before my daughter’s second birthday and has not stopped since. It drives me crazy since I am a huge proponent of waiting until my daughter is ready and I don’t need the inherent judgement of this question. It also can be embarrassing to my daughter if she is in earshot. I don’t question your bathroom goings on, stop questioning my kid’s!

“There’s no such thing as a high-needs baby/toddler: All babies are high needs.” I have been told this several times when my daughter was a baby and young toddler, usually after I got done telling a story about how hard it is to parent a high needs/spirited child. This statement is just awful because it completely invalidates the experience I just related. As a first-time mom, hearing this also instilled a lot of guilt because it implies that I have made my child be this way. Now that I have a second child who is the complete opposite of his sister, I know for a fact that some children are just wired differently.

“She’s still nursing?!” This question started when my daughter was a year old, but the tone of voice accompanying it has gotten more and more offensive as she has gotten older. Now that we are past the two-year mark this question is asked with a tone of horror and scorn. I am proud of our breastfeeding journey and have no need to justify it, especially in earshot of my daughter. My daughter has become self-conscious about asking to nurse around certain people because of their rude statements about it. No child should have to feel ashamed of their comfort/nutrition source.

“Enjoy these moments–they grow up so fast!” Just stop saying this to a frazzled looking mom with young kids. If I’m wearing fresh clothes and make up and am out without my children, then ok. Otherwise, no. I do not need to enjoy all the moments. Mamahood is hard, and I don’t need guilt about the times when I am overwhelmed. Related to this is the “looks like you’ve got your hands full” comment which makes young mamas want to scream and cry simultaneously. Of course our hands are full. Shut up or help, those are your options.

“When are you planning the next one? How many do you want?” Last time I checked, my family planning decisions were up to my husband and I. This question is really obnoxious because it often implies pressure to have a family of a certain size. Sometimes when you are in the trenches with little ones you just can’t handle thinking about if or when there might be another one.

Really the inherent problem with all of these is that people assume that they have a right to know information, or that they know better than you how to handle it all. The solution to all of these would be people choosing to listen instead of inform, help instead of comment, and change the subject instead of asking a rude question.

Becca Schwartz is a cloth diapering, baby wearing, semi-crunchy mama to a toddler girl and baby boy. She and her husband have a small mini-farm with a flock of chickens, a few goats, and rabbits, and are making plans to move out west to start a homesteading adventure together!

 

Questions You Should Ask When Interviewing a Babysitter

Thursday, May 29th, 2014

Questions to Ask When Interviewing a BabysitterFinding a babysitter can be a challenge. How do you pick someone that you don’t really know to take care of your child alone? It took us forever to find a baby sitter and a few months after we finally did we moved cross country and had to start all over again in a town where we didn’t know anyone and couldn’t get any references from people we trusted.

I’ve always been leery of teenage babysitters solely because of age and felt more comfortable with older sitters–until this time. I tried using a popular website to find a reliable sitter that was older and had more experience with kids. Five sitters flaked on the interview at the last minute and tried to reschedule, and the one that I did end up interviewing sent me a text message to cancel just hours before she should’ve been there.

Then, I met a junior in high school that I just loved. It just goes to show that older doesn’t always equal more responsible.  If you’re looking to hire a babysitter for the first time, here are some great questions to ask.

  1. Do you have siblings/nieces/nephews or anyone that you have cared for before?
  2. What do you think is a good form of discipline for a baby/toddler/child? What would you do if my child doesn’t listen or do what you ask them to do?
  3. Are you comfortable preparing snacks and meals? What kinds of things do you prepare for kids you babysit? Do you have any experience preparing bottles or handling breast milk?
  4. Have you even been in a situation where you had to call the parents of the child you were babysitting? Why, what happened and how did you handle it?
  5. Has anything every happened that you’d consider an emergency?
  6. What will you do if my child won’t go to sleep?
  7. What would you do if my child won’t stop crying?
  8. Do you have experience with any health issues?
  9. Have you taken a babysitter preparation course and do you know baby CPR?
  10. What are some examples of problems you’ve had with children, how did you handle it?

Always ask the babysitter for references and a trial day. During the paid, trial day try to keep yourself busy while still being available. Observe how the sitter interacts with your child and offer some advice on what your child likes and good ways to keep them entertained.

Make sure to let the sitter know of any special routines, lovies, nicknames for things and what they’re allowed to feed them for snacks and meals and what’s off limits. Always follow your intuition, and never hire a sitter that may answer everything perfectly and have impeccable references but just doesn’t feel right to you.

Jacqueline Banks is a certified Holistic Health Counselor focused on nutrition and green living strategies. She works with women in all stages of motherhood, from mothers struggling with conception, through pregnancy, lactation and beyond to ensure the best health and nutrition for both mother and baby.

 

 

Pregnancy Week 18: Pregnancy Questions

Monday, March 24th, 2014

Pregnancy questions: Awkward ones, important ones, questions you forget to ask and have to call back about. Most of us head to our OB or midwife appointments full of questions. Is this normal? Should I worry about this? When will this happen during my pregnancy? This week I have been thinking a lot about the questions we ask at appointments. It seems like I always have something to discuss with my midwife.  Here are some of the top questions women ask their providers.Pregnancy Questions

Questions about Baby’s Health:

It’s normal to worry some about baby’s health. We all want healthy, beautiful children. Many women go into their appointments wondering if baby is moving enough. They may worry that baby is not growing appropriately because of their own weight gain or size. Your provider is there to answer these questions. My midwife made me feel at ease at one of my earlier appointments when the baby’s heartbeat took a while to find. She told me we could get the ultrasound machine out if I got nervous at all.  During an anatomy scan, which usually happens around 20 weeks, take advantage and ask as many questions about baby’s growth and development as you want.

Concerns About Momma:

Can I take this medication? Which prenatal vitamins or supplements should I be taking? What will happen if I do this exercise? Should I be showing more or gaining more weight? Is spotting normal? We all want to take the best care of ourselves during pregnancy so that we can do our very best to grow a perfect miracle. It seems like this pregnancy, I go into each of my appointments with a new list of weird questions for my provider about my own health. I haven’t taken a list in yet, but sometimes I feel like I have enough questions for one. Bodies react strangely sometimes to pregnancy, so it’s normal to have your own health concerns.

Awkward, Embarrassing Questions:

Sometimes I tend to ask too many of these types of questions. If you are afraid or nervous to ask a certain question to your provider, remember they have probably heard it before. It’s important to have a strong connection and open relationship with your provider so that you can discuss your concerns honestly and without embarrassment. Some things in pregnancy are just icky, weird, and hard to talk about. Remembering your provider’s office space is a safe place can help you bring up anything. Even if your question is about something concerning other than pregnancy that affects you, such as work, stress, relationships, or something else entirely, your provider will have great resources and referrals.

So, what are some common questions you have asked at your prenatal appointments? Ever felt like you have too much to ask and not enough time to discuss it? You’re not alone, momma. Ask away!

Karyn Meyerhoff is a stay at home mom in Northeast Indiana. She loves being pregnant and tends to ask too many questions. However, she loves her midwife, and she doesn’t seem to mind.