Posts Tagged ‘postpartum depression’

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It’s OK to Feel Burned Out at the Holidays

Wednesday, December 7th, 2016

it's ok to feel burned out at the holidaysIt’s that time again. The time when Santa Claus, Elf on the Shelf, and candy canes are at every department store. The time when bell ringers and carol singers fill the streets. The time when children’s eyes light up with magic that it’s Christmas. But, here you sit. You feel burned out, exhausted, and just not into everything. It’s okay, mom. I am right there with you.

It’s November, and I recently had my third baby. While my children dance around excited for the holidays, all I can do is dream of sleep and a day when someone else is around to hold my screaming newborn. Sometimes, we all feel a little burned out in our motherhood.

While I don’t have the magical answer to how to survive the holidays with a smile, I do know it’s okay to admit that we can all go through seasons where we are just not that into this gift of motherhood. We still love our littles and are thankful, but we just need a recharge.

Of course, we need to be careful and address postpartum depression. For me, this is something I am keeping a close eye on this go around.

Get Support
Burned-out moms can happen for many reasons. Do you have a supportive spouse and help around your home? For me, I have a fantastic husband who works crazy hours, sometimes seven days a week. We recently moved to a new state where we know, well, no one. Moms need support. Get some. I need it. You need it. I joined a local MOPS group here in Arkansas where other moms meet a few times a month for a craft, breakfast, speakers, and just encouragement. Did I mention the free childcare? Find a group at local church to help you stay focused and positive. Reach out to other moms you see at the park, grocery store, or even schools. For me, a lot of my support is from my family back home so I have to have my cell phone handy each day for daily talks with my Grammy.

Acknowledge Your Feelings
Don’t try to hide how you feel. If you feel burned out, tell someone. Tell your spouse and take a couple hours to yourself. Take a bubble bath or even drink some relaxing hot tea when the kids go to bed. If you’re still burned out, go to the spa or take a shopping trip while kids are napping and you have a trusted babysitter. You will feel refreshed and be a better mom for it. Remember being burned out is a temporary feeling. You won’t always feel this way. If you still feel down and out, talk to a professional therapist or someone who can help.

Focus on the Positive
The holidays are full of joy, but sometimes it is hard to see it all when you feel overworked or overtired. Make a list of all of the positive things in your life and see how blessed you are. I have been doing this weekly. This week, I am thankful for the baby snuggles of my sweet newborn. I know they won’t last forever and someday she will be running from me when I try to hug her. Consider volunteering to help out the less fortunate with groups like the Salvation Army or just spend some time in nature reflecting on what good there is in the holidays and in your own little bubble.

So remember, momma, when the Christmas commercials start and the songs change to jolly tunes, it’s okay to feel burned out. It’s amazing what a nap and a good cup of coffee alone can do for your attitude. Hang in there and try to survive the holidays with a smile and hug for your little ones.

Karyn Meyerhoff is a mom of three in Arkansas where she feels super burned out today, but gummy bears and a movie are helping. 

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When You Don’t Feel a Bond to Your Baby

Tuesday, September 27th, 2016

When my first kid was born, the bond was immediate. The labor was induced, due to preeclampsia, and it went quickly: six hours after the Pitocin drip started, I was holding my tiny, squirming little bundle in my arms. I had dreamed of a natural labor and delivery, in a birthing center, and worried that the change to a hospital birth with medical intervention would impact the bonding process I had read so much about. Instead, my heart broke open and I never loved someone so intensely as I did the moment I saw my precious boy.

Eighteen months later, to the day, I was in labor with my second boy. I had taken all the precautions this time, doing all the things my midwife had advised to avoid preeclampsia, and was actually going to be able to have a home birth this time. We would be in our safe space, without medical intervention, and it was going to create the ultimate bonding opportunity between my child and me. What I couldn’t anticipate, though, was that eighteen hours of back labor, a much longer period of time pushing than the first delivery I experienced, and a baby that was 50 percent larger than my first resulted in me feeling exhausted, pained, and hollow. I looked at my second baby, perfect in every way, and though glad he was safe and healthy, I felt little more than appreciation that the entire process was over.

At the realization that I was not over the moon as I had been with my first, that appreciation was suddenly replaced with a crushing sense of Mommy-guilt. Why didn’t I feel the euphoria I felt before? Why didn’t I feel that bond the second I saw him, as I had before? I had checked all the boxes, done everything right—what was wrong with me?

Turns out, the immediate bond with your child isn’t something that everyone experiences. In fact, 20 percent of new parents don’t feel that intense attachment the second they lay eyes on their new baby. Those feelings are even harder to come by if your birth is traumatic in any way, as having a child doesn’t remove the part of you that is human. Experiencing pain, emotional and/or physical, requires healing, and your brain may require that to happen first before a bond can occur with your child. Worse yet, there is immense pressure to suddenly have an entire identity shift with the birth of a child, so in addition to dealing with the difficult transition to parenthood, a lack of bonding can be accompanied with a giant helping of shame. Those negative feelings, isolation, and other biological factors can spiral into developing postpartum depression, and it’s important to recognize when extra support is needed. In the meantime, removing the pedestal we place motherhood on with all of its attached expectations of perfection allows for more opportunity to talk about the times where we don’t meet expectations.

Four years later, that second boy of mine is full of more goodness than I could ever ask for, and I am fully over the moon for all the things that he is. It took some time to get there, but that doesn’t make me less-than—it makes me human.

Keighty Brigman is terrible at crafting, throwing birthday parties, and making sure there isn’t food on her face. Allegedly, her four children manage to love her anyway. 

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Newborn Coping Strategies

Friday, August 26th, 2016

IMG_1141The newborn days pass by in a blur. Often, parents of a newborn are so tired they could cry, frazzled from learning their new baby’s cues and trying to get into a routine, possibly stressed or sore from breastfeeding, plus working through the postpartum hormonal roller coaster. It’s hard to stop and smell the roses (or in this case, smell that new baby scent).

One thing that helped our family get through the early days was having made up meals and packing them in the freezer before hand. If you’re lucky enough to be on the receiving end of a meal train, even better! You’ll need nutritious and hearty food to keep up and help your body heal from birth, and sometimes (most of the time), you’ll be too tired to want to mess with much.

If you can, getting help with older children from other adults is a real blessing. Just picking up your older kids and taking them to the park or a movie can give you a chance to catch a nap or even possibly have a couple moments of silence. Likewise, don’t be afraid to accept offers of help cleaning up or with the laundry. If you don’t have help, letting the laundry sit a couple days won’t hurt (though if you’re cloth diapering, this probably isn’t an option).

Try and get out and get some fresh air and stretch your legs. When my first son was born deep into the Alaskan winter, it was difficult because of snow and ice to walk outdoors, so I would walk on the track at the gym. This isn’t a fitness or weight loss activity, but a mental health activity. My younger son was born in the summer, so I could walk outdoors with him right away.

Lean on your partner (and your partner likewise) to get a little self-care time in. Shoot for every day. Before you have a newborn, you will never fully appreciate having ten minutes to shower, brush your teeth, and put on some lotion. This may not happen everyday, but it makes a huge difference in your outlook when you are able to get those few moments to yourself.

Finally, keep close watch on yourself. Baby blues are normal. If you continue to feel depressed or anxious, please reach out to your partner, family or friends, and to your doctor. It’s important to you and your baby to watch out for your mental health.

And remember to take time to enjoy that new-baby smell, it will be gone before you know it.

Meaghan Howard is a busy stay-at-home mom to two little boys and a houseful of animals. She and her family are enjoying living overseas for the time being.

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What is PPMD?

Wednesday, July 20th, 2016

PPMD“So what brought you into the emergency room tonight?” I was seated across from the patient’s bed, desperate to remain composed and professional. It was the beginning of my shift, so professionalism should not have been a problem: I was rested, refreshed, and should have been focused. However, this particular patient had a three-week-old baby in the room, and it was taking all of my energy to pay attention to the adult and not the adorable bundle she brought with her.

My priorities realigned, however, when I noticed the strained smile on her face. There was a pause before she answered, as she struggled to compose her response, and suddenly tears spilled from her eyes as quickly as the string of words expressing desperation, sorrow, and guilt over how she was feeling about her new role as Mom.

Postpartum mood disorders affect up to 25 percent of new mothers, and symptoms can develop immediately after birth or months after your little one has come into the world. Depression manifests differently in different people, but typical symptoms include chronic crying, increased anxiety, feelings of despair or guilt, weight loss/gain, sleep disturbance, feeling distant from your child, and fixation on your child’s safety out of paranoia that something dangerous could happen, or thoughts of hurting your child yourself. Dealing with depression by itself is an exhausting task, and doing it while caring for a child can border on the impossible. Doing it without help can create dangerous situations, for both you and your child, and it’s important to ask for support when you recognize that things feel harder than they should.

So what can you do if you feel you or a loved one is having a hard time adjusting to parenthood?

  • Know the signs. Postpartum mental health concerns can arise at any point of the journey, including during pregnancy. Taking the time to check in with your own mental health on a regular basis can help you recognize when things are taking a turn, and knowing what to look for can help you see the red flags sooner rather than later.
  • Have a support person. Depending on where you live, the resources available for treating postpartum mental health can be difficult to navigate. Having someone to advocate for you while you find a good therapist and/or medication provider can make the difference between getting help and giving up.
  • Know that you aren’t alone. There are more individuals who experience postpartum depression each year than who sprain an ankle in that same year. As postpartum mental health becomes more widely understood, a “Congratulations!” will ideally be accompanied with a genuine, “How are you doing?”

When you’re feeling isolated, alone, and experiencing all the difficulties of depression/anxiety/OCD/psychosis, sometimes the hardest thing to do is to reach out and ask for help. If you are struggling, know that you deserve support, not only because it will benefit your child, but also because it will benefit you.

Keighty Brigman is terrible at crafting, throwing birthday parties, and making sure there isn’t food on her face. Allegedly, her four children manage to love her anyway. 

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My Pregnancy: Postpartum Week 5

Wednesday, June 15th, 2016

postpartum week 5Postpartum anxiety and depression are very real things for many mamas. It is not something I can speak about from personal experience, so I will link a resource below. I will speak to my daily experience as just a typical overwhelmed mom—I imagine all new mamas feel overwhelmed.

I feel overwhelmed for short bursts about half the days of the week. I feel tapped out, sometimes as early as the moment I wake. I’m an introvert and spend all my hours with children. I’m the classic prototype for the flourishing mommy presence on the Internet, particularly in Facebook groups these days. I did the working mommy thing for a year last year but I’ve mostly been a stay-at-home-mom. It’s very isolating unless you make effort to connect with others. For some mamas I’ve heard it’s isolating even when you make the effort to connect or are already well connected.

I’m introverted in my socialization. I don’t say that as an excuse but rather to emphasize that it’s not my style to initiate friendship. At the playground I sit to myself. I am not one to jump at social outings like mommy and me or MOPS (Moms of Preschoolers) groups. Did I mention I’m already tapped out? Strangely the bonding with other people over three feet tall would probably do me good but it comes at the cost of energy, which I have very little of these days. Luckily I have a couple of mamas I can rely on when I need some contact.

My occasional isolation plays with my mind sometimes. Seeing the clock says only 9 AM and knowing I won’t come in contact with another adult for eight more hours can make me feel a little on edge. I get sad and feel desperate for a half-day here or there. I have short patience with my children sometimes and then feel guilty that I’m not fully engaged with them all day. I get anxious, a little fearful sometimes. I lend this, again, to my years in social work and hospital chaplaincy, fields that tend to see tragedy far too often, far too up close. Every night I check our doors to make sure they’re locked even though I am fairly certain I already locked them.

I say all of this to share that being a mama is hard for everyone. We’re human. But if it’s more than what I’m describing—if there is no hope, little or no connection with your child, strong feelings of guilt, sadness, unexplainable or frequent tears—talk to your doctor. If there is deep anxiety that harm will come your way or to your child, maybe you don’t often leave the house because of that fear, you can’t sleep or eat because your mind leaves you too tense or shaky, talk to your doctor.

There’s more. I can’t speak to your specific situation, but again talk to your doctor or read more about postpartum depression, psychosis, anxiety, and OCD whether you think it’s you or not. Because if it’s not you it is someone else, maybe even another mama you know who could use your support.

Annie is a mom of two boys, ages two and four, and now a newborn gal. She is taking in every moment of every day because, let’s be honest, she’s not getting much sleep. 

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