Hey, Moms. Allow me to introduce myself. I’m the mom at the park who always has her headphones in.

You know, the one you see occupying the bench as you approach with your tiny children, unsure if she is staring intently at her offspring, or has completely checked out as she looks into oblivion. I’m usually oscillating between feeling terribly guilty that I’m not playing with my kids like some of the other parents and also feeling immense relief that I can sit down for a spell. And while I fully enjoy the company of Ira Glass in my ear, I can be found glancing in your direction and running through scenarios of how I could initiate a social interaction.

It’s at times like these that I so desperately wish someone would create a dating website for introvert moms. The notion of attempting a social interaction only to find a complete lack of compatibility is enough to make me want to take a nap (though, lets face it—it doesn’t take much these days to make me want to take a nap. #parenting). The unfortunate reality of being an introvert, though, is it doesn’t eliminate the need for human connection, it simply makes it that much harder to achieve it. So wouldn’t it be great if some Internet elf could do all the exhausting small-talk work for me?

IntrovertMom86
Seeking: Other moms with preschool- to kindergarten-aged children
Interests: Improv comedy, running, and anything that isn’t crafts
Parenting style: Free-range with occasional swearing
What I Have To Offer: Excellent listening skills, sarcasm, and nonjudgment when you talk about how you pooped in the birthing tub. All moms who wear sweatpants to drop-off invited to reply.

Until someone answers the plea of introvert moms everywhere and creates this website, I anticipate many of my park outings will involve the company of my podcasts and my social anxiety, with the occasional interruption from a very determined extrovert here and there. In the meantime, feel free to say hello. I very well may awkwardly acknowledge your ability to human more appropriately than I.

Keighty Brigman is terrible at crafting, throwing birthday parties, and making sure there isn’t food on her face. Allegedly, her four children manage to love her anyway.