At some point when my older daughter was around four months old, I began to feel more human again. I was coming out of the fog of having a newborn.  Unfortunately, this is when the loneliness set in. I was a new stay-at-home mom. Many of my friends from high school and college had older kids.  My friends in my current city did not have children yet, and they didn’t understand why I gave up a job I loved to stay home.  I felt like I no longer fit in anywhere.

One morning, I brought my daughter in to meet my husband’s coworkers, and an older woman asked how I was transitioning to being home.  Without waiting for me to answer, she said something to me that has stuck with me.

“Don’t be afraid.  Get out and do stuff.  Make the first move, ask the other mom to get a cup of coffee.  She’s just as scared and lonely as you are.”

She then told me how lonely she was at first being a stay-at-home mom.  Like me, she worked a while before having kids and took a break while they were little.  She also said that some of the moms she met when her oldest was a baby are still her best friends even though their kids were grown up.  It seemed like she knew exactly what I needed to hear that morning.

I took her advice to heart and began looking for mommy and me classes and mom meet ups to do. I used meetup.com and found a mom’s knitting group to go to.  I went to baby story time. I joined MOPS.  And I took the plunge and began asking some of the other moms to get a cup of coffee or lunch after the classes or meet ups.  Some of the moms I clicked with, and some I didn’t. It almost felt like I was dating again, only this time I was looking for new friends.

I’ve lost touch with some of the moms I met that first year, and now with a three-year-old and an almost one-year-old, I don’t have as much time to do all the classes and groups as I used to. I have become close friends with a few of the moms I met, too.  And I always remember the advice I received from my husband’s coworker whenever I am in a new mom group situation.

Becky Nagel is a stay-at-home mom from Denver, CO to two girls, 3 years and 11 months old, who enjoys cooking, running, and hiking.