Flowers, balloons, and cute little stuffed bears are sweet gestures to congratulate a mother and family after the birth of a child. Wanna know what I really want?

Leave me alone. One thing I’m almost embarrassed to admit is a deep, incredible, introverted desire to be left alone. I’d like to appreciate the love of family and friends with no expectation of anything in return, including conversation or a thank-you card. In the days leading up to birth the phone dings with text messages and Facebook lights up red with notifications asking, “is she here yet?” and “how are you feeling?” I try deep down to appreciate the love that surrounds me from friends and family. Yet the sheer volume of inquiries is inundating. The day of our c-section come texts wanting details and pictures and more. The days after there are calls of congratulations and more wanting to know how things are, how baby is, how baby’s siblings reacted, and how I’m doing. It’s too much. This time I am turning my phone off on birth day. Hubby has a few key people to contact and they will let others know. Pictures will come with they come and we will focus on our immediate family plus a couple of friends. So what do I want the day of birth? The following text: Hey! We’re thinking of you and can’t wait to meet your little one. Until then, warm thoughts and love to you and yours.

Wine. Maybe this one also makes me sound a little like a shallow mama. It’s not the wine so much as what it represents. I enjoy a glass or two of wine a few times a week. I set that aside for several kids and early breastfeeding for about four years of my adult life. That’s not really too long, but it is my adult life. I likely won’t get to that bottle of wine for a month or even two. I’ll be on pain meds for a week or so and then nursing almost non-stop. But I love the idea of it, sitting there on the counter, for when I’m ready to join the ranks of independent adult who is both a mom and something of her own.

Errands. Especially for c-section mamas, but really for any mama, running errands can be so deeply helpful. I can’t drive for two weeks to begin with. Hubby will be home to help, but he goes back to work eventually. Being a new mom who is nursing every couple of hours and also has a toddler and preschooler makes a trip out to the store seem epic. Grabbing milk and eggs or a random needed item or two from Target will save me literally ten times as much time as you spend on the task. Thank you.

Take the kids out. It can just be to the library, playground, or to grab a quick bite to eat. Sprinkling attention on my toddler and preschooler will benefit us all. First, they’ll love you for it! They’re getting less attention post-pregnancy, no matter how hard we try to wrap them in love. You’ll offer them a special treat and give me an hour or a few at home to enjoy the sweet peace of relative quiet. They say to nap when baby naps—this is generally less possible when you have multiple kiddos. In taking out the kiddos you offer me the simple joy of having one kiddo again, just for the afternoon.

Netflix/DVDs/Amazon Prime. If babies remember music into adulthood, my eldest will have an affinity for The Office, my middle for Parks and Recreation, and this third kiddo time will tell. Many late nights nursing were spent with light television shows on in the background. A perk of Amazon Prime, though an expensive gift, is the 2-day shipping that comes with the subscription. I made several purchases off Amazon for basic household needs because going out with a newborn (much less newborn and other children) is difficult.  I didn’t mind waiting 2 days in exchange or the convenience of not going out in public during those early days.

Annie is a mom of two boys, ages two and four. She enjoys the finer things in life, like compression socks and a full night’s rest.