My Pregnancy: Week 7

My Pregnancy Week 7We’ve made it to another week! The miscarriage rate is dropping day by day and my excitement and attachment rises in response. With my first pregnancy, less than five years ago, I followed my pregnancy chapter-by-chapter reading through two renowned baby books. I am not as avid a follower this time around. As my doctor said, “This isn’t my first rodeo,” or perhaps time management just looks a little different with a toddler and preschooler running about.

Baby is a blueberry this week, according to the informational websites. I don’t know why we reference produce to understand the size of our growing babe. For a while we called our first “Ping Pong” because “Medium-sized Strawberry” just didn’t have the right ring to it. Especially once you get to the size of a bowling ball that category seems fitting because it certainly felt like I was carrying a bowling ball at one point.

These sites over-use phrases about how your body changing, the big news of the week, your bundle of joy, and how everything is just ah-mazing with an exclamation point! And don’t get me wrong, it is! I certainly appreciate the reminders as I’ve forgotten these details since last pregnant 2 years ago but the pep is comical. I wonder where my lack of enthusiasm comes from. I wouldn’t qualify it as cynical or mocking, but I’ve got something going on inside me.

Maybe it is that this isn’t my first rodeo. We’ve been married nearing a decade, this is baby number three, hubby has been in the same steady job for five years now, we have a life plan that is coming to fruition in time. All these things are so regular, expected.

Likewise, it’s not only within that the excitement seemed to have waned. When we were pregnant with our first we felt like front page news. Now everyone just says congrats in passing, or may offer a mildly rude comment like, “Don’t you know how pregnancy happens?” or “I hope you have a girl!” That’s it.

We found out someone we dearly love is getting married and so much joy and excitement and the unknown is happening around them. And before someone goes and comments I’m ungrateful or selfish or stealing some else’s thunder, I’m totally and completely happy for all those people approaching exciting milestones that many of us dream about and look forward to for so long. I think what no one talks about is the sadness that comes with passing milestones. It’s the empty house when your last child moves off to school, the empty reception hall when the bride and groom leave. It’s the realization that life is quite ordinary.

There is an old Clay Walker song that says “ordinary people have extraordinary love, a million little miracles far beneath the stars above.”  My ordinary is quite extraordinary. I’m very happy with our long days and pleasant nights. But I can’t ignore the little, tiny piece of me currently grieving while living in the midst of what I always wanted. I think the best way to say it is we’re just as happy when all those milestones came—possibly even happier—but the excitement is a little different this time around. It’s not our first rodeo.

The second and third and fourth kiddos come with perks too. There is the comfort of knowing, somewhat, what to expect. At the same time there is still excitement—will we be a family of all boys? Two boys and a girl? How will we manage being outnumbered? How will our family change with the newest addition? How exciting indeed!

Annie is a mom of two toddlers with a baseball on the way. This just in—she and baby almost find vegetables edible again! That’s a good thing when you’re a vegetarian.

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