My Pregnancy: Week 5

My Pregnancy: Week 5Life is on the up and up. Quite literally, I certainly am having difficulty keeping things down. The fear of bad things continues slightly into this week. Let’s be honest, five little weeks is still such a fragile little thing. The sudden tiredness, tinges of soreness when my toddler plows into my chest, and the difficulty keeping things down is somewhat welcome as it’s a sign my body is sustaining an embryo.

I must stay I’ve been thinking a lot about the here-but-not-yet. In this secret, hidden place something life-changing, life-giving, and life-sustaining is happening. But aside from a few little symptoms it still very much feels like not yet. I’m waiting patiently for that first appointment at 8-ish weeks when I can hear the heartbeat and know it is not mine, but it is of mine.

In the meantime I’m navigating simple difficulties really. My husband and I have devised a system for times when we might “need” to drink alcohol socially. We aren’t big drinkers, but it comes up. As we were at my brother’s home one evening celebrating a family milestone, my sister-in-law poured me a glass of wine. My husband snuck in close, swigged it down on my behalf, and moved right along. This was well and good until my sister-in-law noted that with how quickly I drank my wine I must surely need another glass, which she promptly filled!

Aside from the additional work my husband’s liver is doing these days, I find life is quite the same as normal. The here-but-not-yet also means life is radically different and still very much the same. I pulled out a few bins of clothes we had stored from our two growing boys. Our babies essentially are born in three entirely different seasons, so some clothes will work just fine and others, like heavy knits, will be entirely unnecessary for a spring baby in Texas. It didn’t strike me as premature to do this until I stumbled upon the maternity clothes bin and realized I wouldn’t need it for at least another month. If so, I surely didn’t need the baby clothes out. We’re in the here-but-not-yet, planning but moving forward ever so slowly.

In fact, it’s quite nice as I realize this is likely my last pregnancy. Nausea and exhaustion aside, I’m noticing I’m more content to take this pregnancy as it comes, day by day. Each day, after all, is likely the last day I’ll be exactly (fill in the blank). It’s the last time my husband and I will be the only ones who know this happy little secret for just a little while longer, the last time I’ll hear a heartbeat for the first time, and so on. Because soon enough all that other stuff will be here… but not yet.

Annie is a mom of two toddlers with a kumquat on the way. You’ll find her downing heaps of breakfast foods and nauseous at any sign of a vegetable within ten yards. That’s a real problem when you’re a vegetarian.

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