My Pregnancy: Week 29

My pregnancy: week 29We’ve got two boys, one just days from four and the other just above two. The older likes to give baby hug and kiss each day. He tells her he loves her in such a way that my heart just about bursts to splatter us all with warm gooey love. The younger refers to baby, realizes my growing abdomen is “baby,” and knows her name. Though they are both in for a big surprise, the younger one won’t know what hit him. Luckily he’s the more go-with-the-flow of the two children. At least right now.

They don’t yet realize my patience is about to be cut by a solid third. Their waiting for a cup of milk, already a feat of patience within them, will soon stretch until a third kiddo has a more pressing need met. I can’t find it surprising that they are unclear of the future babe because I JUST, while writing this post, settled into the realization that instead of “Mommy!” “Mommy!” it will be “Mommy!” “Mommy!” cries for mommy. All. Day. Long.

Almost every day around nine in the morning I hit a low point. We’ve been awake for three or four hours at that point but naptime is so very far away still. A critical anxiety washes over me as I have no idea how we are going to fill our day until 4:45 PM when daddy comes home, a welcome sight, a reprieve and a joy to see. Of course, every day shows me we make it through 100% of the time, usually with a little grace and sometimes with a semi-clean home and extra hugs and loving words. Usually. Other days dinner isn’t done, the living room is a wreck, and the house smells like poop.

So adding a third kiddo sounds like an adventure but other times I wonder where I will find enough to make it through. Not enough of the stuff on the gift registry. We’ve got enough of all that and almost enough space for it all. Rather, where will I find the patience, energy, strength, perspective, and most of all the heart? I know it’s in me. I believe it because I see so many other mamas similar to me find enough.

I try to remind myself of the similar feeling I felt before we welcomed our first in the world. And then when we found out about number two on his way, just before his brother turned one. Now the task of one child or two seems so manageable, but in the moment of it all I felt rather similar to how I do now. That provides me solace for now. Except for one thing—as I consider being outnumbered, three to one during the day, my heart rate elevates just a tad, by about one-third.

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