My Pregnancy: Week 15

My Pregnancy: Week 15I wrote on the topic of comments people make when one is pregnant. I try to see the comments as opportunities to understand that person better. For example, people talking about how much they hope I have a girl may be indicative of how much they enjoyed having a daughter of their own or wished they had.  Sometime I can see that, hear their interest in my life and hopes that they have for me.

But it’s mostly really starting to annoy me. Someone close told me they were “praying for a girl.” So aside the fact that the baby already either has ovaries and eggs or not by now, I’m most frustrated that they never even thought to ask me what I want. And it’s really hard to say anything but “thank you” without coming off as a jerk or having to explain myself thoroughly. I tried with one person, who used their experience as wisdom. It was sort of like the, “once you have kids you’ll understand” adage. It was more of a “you don’t know what you’ll be missing if you have all boys.”

I don’t think I’m angry about people’s opinions being other than my own. I am very content in my knowing that our family life has meaning no matter what my child’s reproductive anatomy. A penis or vagina is not indicative of whether our family is “complete.” I’m angry that people aren’t seeing me, aren’t trying to connect with me. And now I’m left in a struggle of how to relate and connect to them as I harbor more and more feelings of annoyance, isolation, even resentment.

It sounds a little dramatic, I know. Maybe I could just let these comments on my pregnancy roll off one by one, but they have become a large puddle on the floor that I slosh into the next conversation with. If there is something else I’m battling internally, I’d like to figure it out.

Maybe I really do want a girl and I’m afraid I won’t have one. This seems doubtful. I’m very happy to have a girl, but I also get very excited about having all boys. Just me and my guys! I’m girly and am not afraid of having a girl like I have heard some friends express.

As I’ve studied gender and am a feminist, part of the anger may be the underlying sexist tones that some comments take. They are these slight comments that encourage silent sexism. They aren’t clear-cut like, “boys are more important that girls,” but there is something annoying about the way a “sweet little girl” sounds like more of a trinket than an equal to my boys. It’s not in the best interest of my relationship with someone to assume the thing that angers me, but again, that puddle sloshes at my feet.

Annie is a mom of two toddlers finding comfort in breakfast foods and the excitement of one little baby on the way. She’s less tired than the last three months but more tired than 5 years ago.

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