My Pregnancy Week 14

Pregnancy Week 36: Making Time for Me Before Baby ArrivesOne trimester down, two to go! Lately I’m in the spirit of reflection with this being our last kiddo. In my reflection I’ve found a handful of things I will and will not miss, for whatever that is worth.

I’ll miss:

  • The fruition of hope and trying. Our journey over the last five years includes surprises, planning, hoping, and hopes dashed. Emotionally charged, sometimes joyous and other times ridden with pain, that part of life is likely over for us.
  • The finding out. The trips to the dollar store for pregnancy tests and that last gold standard test purchase that led us to here today were exciting. The waiting was a test of patience, even endurance. But the moment of finding out, pure joy.
  • The anticipation. The butterflies in my stomach, waiting to hear the heartbeat for the first time. The second time, I think, was just as exciting four weeks later as a further confirmation there was, indeed, a babe. With each of our children we had an ultrasound in the 1st trimester. I still remember the one I had at twelve weeks with one of the children. I lay mesmerized at the little stubby arms moving about as I was used to the 8 week blob of embryo or the 20 week more-proportionate baby.
  • The secret knowing. The quiet talks I had with the baby while walking down the Target aisle, or early in the morning hours. The making up seemingly legitimate reasons to not have a glass of wine or other such details for the sake of buying a little time before spilling the beans.
  • The sharing. As fun as it is to have a secret, I’m more of a no-surprises kind of gal. Sharing the news for the first time with family and friends warmed my heart anew and almost made the news of a new baby new again to me.

I’ll miss not-so-much:

  • Not knowing and uncertainty. The waiting… oh the waiting. The two-week cycle of waiting to try again when no baby came of last month’s attempts. The waiting to take a pregnancy test. The waiting to see the doctor, to hear the heart beat, to hear the heartbeat again, to share the news. Waiting and anticipation are part of the double-edged sword of time.
  • Keeping a secret. I’m not great at keeping a secret. I often tell my husband his Christmas presents as soon as I buy them… in November. I don’t do secrets well.
  • A drinking buddy. This one is from my husband. We aren’t big drinkers, but when you want a glass of wine with dinner it’s nice to have a mate in that.
  • Nausea. Enough said.
  • Exhaustion. I suppose this one will return in about 15 weeks… and will last until 2018 or 2034, depending on who you ask.

Annie is a mom of two toddlers finding comfort in breakfast foods and the excitement of one little baby on the way. Yup, still tired.

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