I’m Not Sure I Want Another Baby

I'm not sure I want another baby“So, when are you going to have another baby?”

That dreaded question that no mother of an only child wants to hear. Some people know right from the start exactly how many children they want to have or if they want an only child. Other people, like me, have an idea of how many children they want and have always dreamed about, but then once they have one, everything changes.

I don’t get that question quite as often anymore now that my daughter is almost five. Most people seem to assume that we’ve made the decision to have an only child–but the truth is we haven’t made any decisions. When my daughter was younger I would have conversations with friends who would tell me that they just loved their child so much they wanted to have more of that amazing love with another child. My thought process was the polar opposite. I love my daughter SO much that I couldn’t imagine ever loving another human being that much.

For the most part that fear has faded for me and at times the thought of holding a new, squishy, chubby, sweet smelling human being that I gave birth to in my arms holds an incredible amount of appeal. On other days the thought of having to start over with the breastfeeding, the staying up all night, the potty training and everything else makes me want to hide under my bed and never come out. My daughter had colic, is still a terrible sleeper, broke my heart with screams of terror being dropped off at childcare and sometimes still at preschool, hates being away from me for any period of time and refuses to be left alone with anyone that she doesn’t know very, very, very well. But she is worth every second of it and I would do it again for her because of course, I just love her so much.

So what’s a girl to do? I’m not getting any younger and every month I continue to wait makes the age gap between my daughter and potential baby number two even bigger. I’m already tired; I’ll only be more tired the older I get, right? But then once my daughter’s in school full time it’ll be easier right? But what if the baby is born right when she’s starting kindergarten and she has trouble adjusting? But won’t my daughter will be old enough to help with the baby? Do we make enough money for two kids to do all the things that one has been able to do?

The questions and doubts are endless. There’s no good time to have a baby, I’ve lived that story and it was the best blessing I could imagine. If you happen to come up with the perfect pros and cons list on whether or not to have another child, please send it to me because trying to decide is agony.

Jacqueline Banks is a certified Holistic Health Counselor focused on nutrition and green living strategies. She works with women in all stages of motherhood, from mothers struggling with conception, through pregnancy, lactation and beyond to ensure the best health and nutrition for both mother and baby.

Tags: age gap, family planning, only child, pregnancy

One Response to “I’m Not Sure I Want Another Baby”

  1. Katherine says:

    I’m there with you. I was the girl who wanted 4 babies, but after one… I find it hard to say yes to purposefully subjecting myself to the recovery period of pregnancy and the sleep deprivation. You say you want a pros and cons list, but I don’t think anyone can do that. Love, what comes with a baby, is such a mystery. It cannot be created or forced to happen or banished. Love plainly is just what is. It is the ultimate of everything. If you were playing a game of Rock Paper Scissors, love would win everytime. Even though it’s not part of the game, lol. I don’t know how to make my point concretely. I gues what I’m trying to say is, when you make that list, no amount of cons will ever stop you from having a baby. The love that will come from having a baby far outweighs the cons. Yeah, the cons will stall you, but you’re still questioning having another one, so you definitely want that, so why wait any longer to meet the new love of your life?