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API Principle #8: Strive for Balance in Your Personal and Family Life
Attachment Parenting International provides 8 principles they belief optimally support the development of healthy parent-child attachment. Over the last several Fridays I have reviewed each of the principles and given suggestions for practical application. They are as follows:
1. Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth, and Parenting
5. Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
6. Provide Consistent and Loving Care
7. Practice Positive Discipline
The 8th and final principle is “Strive for Balance in Your Personal and Family Life“. I actually believe this one to be the most challenging of them all! The demands of raising a family often seem all-encompassing and striking a balance where everyone’s needs are met is a struggle. There are the individual needs of each family member as well as the needs of the relationships that exist between each family member to consider. Young children’s needs are often simple (ie- hungry, tired, need attention, etc) yet are riddled with immediacy and occur at a rather high frequency. As adults we are more capable of putting our own complex needs aside to care for our children. However it’s important to find or create the opportunity to revisit them at a later time. Otherwise they build and grow so heavy throwing off the balance within the family.
Shortly after the birth of my second son we went through a difficult phase in our family where things felt completely imbalanced. It took a great deal of consciousness about the situation, open communication with my husband, and creative brainstorming to find resolve. Of course we are not perfectly balanced and I doubt we ever will be, but we are in a good place that feels manageable.
Previously I was on a fast track to feeling ‘burnt out’ as a mother. API defines ‘burn-out’ as a physical, emotional, and mental response to high levels of stress where parents may feel relentlessly fatigued, strained, and physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted. They may also feel overworked, under-appreciated, angry, resentful, powerless, hopeless, drained, frustrated, detached, anti-social, unsatisfied, resentful, like a failure, indifferent, and lacking motivation (API, 2008). As I felt any or all of these emotions day after day, I knew something had to change. I waived a white flag and cried uncle to my husband letting him know I needed more balance in our family. As a mother it is easy to nurture everyone else but yourself…but rule #1 is the nurturer must be nurtured so she can continue to nurture! If she is continually depleted of her resources she will have nothing left to give. I did not want to become empty and hallow with nothing to give. Rather I desired a more sustainable rhythm of reciprocal giving and receiving.
We made two relatively small changes that ultimately had a big impact on our family. First I started to exercise more, namely running and practicing yoga. Running was something I missed incredibly and yoga was something I was curious in exploring deeper. Finding the time, space, and energy for these activities was relatively easy once we determined it was a priority. Secondly, I actively worked to develop a social network and support system. Late into my second son’s pregnancy we had moved to a new state where I didn’t know anyone. After he was born, the adjustment to two children was difficult and lonely. Realizing my need and desire to connect with other women, I started attending local La Leche League meetings and Birth Circle meetings on a regular basis. From there I developed friendships and a much needed support system. My heart and soul began to feel full again and the burnt-out feelings subsided.
If you are heading down the path of being burnt-out from parenting, take action! Perhaps a few small changes can make a big difference. Try to prioritize your needs into your daily activities; even something as simple as waking up 10 minutes earlier to start the day with deep breathing/meditation can help infuse more balance into your family. Once you become closer to feeling balanced (as opposed to experiencing the extreme imbalance that goes along with burn-out), you will be more attune to acute changes in balance and respond accordingly. Thus you can ideally minimize the shifts that occur on either side of the fulcrum by being proactive. API gives some great practical tips for maintaining balance on their website. Be sure to check them out if you haven’t already. :)
Have you experienced extreme imbalance in your family? What helped you achieve more balance? Would love to hear from you!
-Sarah
3 Simple Pre-Conception Preparations
Congratulations! You are thinking about getting pregnant! 
The period in a couple’s life when they are hoping to expand their family is certainly an exciting time. While it may be a little ways away for your family, there are things you can do in advance to optimally prepare your body for carrying new life and it’s never to early to start!
Make Healthy Food Choices: Nutrition is probably the number one most important thing you can do to prepare your body for a healthy pregnancy. The awesome part of this is that it is something you can completely control; what you put into your body is 100% yours to decide! Of course eating well is important for everyone no matter what phase of life, but it is especially important for women during their childbearing years. If you want to make changes to your current diet, my suggestion would be to ease into it. Drastic dietary changes are often only temporarily sustainable efforts. Perhaps start by simply adding more whole foods into your diet? One idea might be to start your morning with a green smoothie? It’s a really easy way to get in a ton of nutrients. Another factor that influences healthy food choices and the relationship we have with food, is the common belief/misconception that healthy foods don’t taste good. If you believe that then you are less likely to select a healthy food and go straight for the junk foods which you know tastes good, right? Who woudn’t choose something yummy over something bland and tasteless? Eating is supposed to be a pleasurable experience! However I assure you eating healthy can be delicious, succulent, invigorating, and pure decadence! If what is healthy to you is boring, perhaps experiment more with foods and flavors? You might also try imposing more mindfulness into meals as described in this post. Another mental shift in eating is to focus on how foods make you feel after consuming them; really looking inward and examining how your body responds to foods. You might discover that healthy foods help you feel more vibrant and energetic as well as provide clarity of mind. By attributing those positive qualities to the foods we use to fuel our bodies, we change our relationship with food. No longer does a donut look appealing…it starts to look like something that is going to make you feel heavy, sluggish, and unfulfilled. By changing the way you eat before getting pregnant, you are filling your body with optimum nutrients needed to grow and nourish a healthy baby. And you are setting yourself up for continued healthy food choices during pregnancy and postpartum. Pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding are a lot of work for your body and properly fueling your body can positively impact all three!
Increase water consumption: While this goes hand in hand with healthy eating, it is definitely worthy enough of separate mention. Water is quite healing and restorative to our bodies. Through large consumption of water we can help remove toxins from our body. One great way to start your day is to drink a large glass of water upon awakening. You have likely went 8 hours or so through the night without consuming any water so your body would graciously welcome a large glass of water each morning. Try to figure out a way throughout the day to have water readily available and accessible to you. Often this means carrying a water bottle with you. Investing in a quality water bottle that is easy to fill, clean, and drink from is definitely worthwhile as it is likely to directly impact how much water you consume. By increasing water consumption during the pre-conception period, you are setting the stage to do so during your pregnancy. Staying properly hydrated during pregnancy can actually prevent some pretty serious medical issues. Something as simple as drinking water can change the course of your pregnancy, so bottoms up!
Be Active/Exercise: Again when you consider how much work carrying and birthing a baby is on your body, having a healthy strong body becomes even more important. If the idea of exercise means going to the gym and hating every minute of it, then of course you won’t be motivated to do it. However if you open yourself to the idea that there are hundreds of different ways to be active, you might find a type of exercise you actually enjoy such as hiking, biking, roller-blading, skiing, running, dancing, power-walking, yoga, volleyball, softball, tennis, swimming, surfing, etc. If exercise is infused into a recreational hobby, it becomes less of a ‘chore’ and something you are actually passionate about and willingly/happily devote time to. In addition to the direct health benefits of exercise, by engaging in physical activities we become more attune with our bodies which obviously carries great advantages during pregnancy and childbirth.
What are some ways you prepared for pregnancy? Would love to hear your ideas!
-Sarah
Tasty Tuesday: Yummy Greek Salad
A friend of mine who recently had her first baby shared this recipe with me. She is making an effort to incorporate more vegetables in her diet because she knows that eating well is important for a nursing mama. After making it, I decided to share it with other nursing mamas because it is so easy and delicious! When you have a new little baby in your family, it’s especially wonderful to have a fridge full of healthy, yummy foods such as this Greek Salad.
Ingredients:
1 and 1/2 cucumbers, peeled and chopped
1 and 1/2 large tomatoes, diced
1/3 of a red onion, diced
1 green pepper, chopped
1/4 cup of olive oil
3 Tablespoons of red wine vinegar
1 tsp of oregano (or more to taste)
salt to taste
Feta cheese (optional)
Kalamata olives (optional)
Directions:
Mix the vegetables together, add dressing and stir to coat completely. Refrigerate for about 1/2 hour before serving. You can serve it just as is or over a plate of mixed greens. I also mixed it with some leftover cold cooked quinoa for a heartier dish. ENJOY!
-Sarah
ERGObaby Carrier | How to Back Carry in a SSC Video
I love using the back carry with my ERGObaby carrier. It makes doing house chores such as folding laundry, cooking dinner, mopping the floor, and even yard a breeze! No worries if baby wants to be held and a sink full of dishes is calling my name. I can pop baby on my back and wash the dishes; he’s happy, I’m happy!
There are a few different options on how to get baby onto your back in the ERGObaby carrier. This is a short demonstration of an easy way to get your baby on your back!
